Once again I am reminded of what faith and trust look like by watching the example of a child. I am reminded of the joy of life and unconditional love by watching a tiny little mayan diva.
Today was filled with many "discouragements" as I would see them in my pessimistic eye. However God's gentle reminders have left me on my knees again, trusting that His plan is yet to be revealed to me and I must "Be still".
The past few months have been filled with the unexpected and the unknown....I have tried my best to follow blindly and have so many times caught myself doubting God's faithfulness, I would be lying if I said I hadn't. But so many times God has spoken through those around me and made it clear that I am going where I am supposed to go. So I'm here in a new state with $35 dollars in my bank account, a car that's about to give out on me, a dream job just out of grasp, No job, and no idea what the future holds. When I named this blog I had no idea that I would still be in the "unknown" stage of the journey.
However, as always, never failing...God is using the low times, the scary times, to teach me the lessons that I will forever hold tight to. Faith.
Let me explain:
A year ago I left Guatemala not knowing when my sweet Eliana and her mama would be coming home, having walked with them through nightmares and trials and fallen in love with this dear miracle baby girl. I look at her now, a year later, and she is safe in her parent's arms at home. It was/is a journey of faith.
I have been so blessed to have been spending the last week staying with them and have been shown so much through this sweet girl. The other day it hit me so hard as Eliana was crying and throwing a nice normal two year old fit ;) from her eyes life was completely unfair, mean and cruel...even though she could not see through her daddy's eyes that he was only protecting her, and preparing her to be a woman of God. But yet despite this, despite the unknown for her....in the midst of the tears and screams, her daddy asks her for a kiss and in that instant she stops, tears rolling down her cheek, and reaches her little face up and kisses her daddy. She knows that even though she does not understand, even though she feels that life right now is totally unfair....she can have faith in her father. She HAS faith in her father and she was willing to give up during the fight, let go...and show him...that yes, she will continue to love him and follow blindly.
This is just one of the lessons she has taught.....
Eliana is a child who has more love for life than any other single human being I have ever met in my life. The child has one speed.....Fast. She is constantly jumping, running, yelling, laughing, and acting like cookie monster (her newest trick). There is no luke warm for her. She is a all or nothing sorta girl. Just looking at her brings tears to my eyes because I see the story God has already given her and I cannot wait to see where He takes her in the future....she is already ready to go all the way with the passion that can change the world. That is how I want to live. I want to be all there...I want to live with a passion that makes everyone around me turn and look, not in a flashy sort of way but in the sense that those watching say...I want that energy for life and God, I want that passion.
and yet another lesson of the week....
Linds came down the other night after having done the nightly ritual of reading the children's bible with Eliana and praying with her and she begins to tell us how it went.....
She said they were looking at the crucifixion page and Eliana touches Jesus' hands and looks into her mama's face and says "Booboo?" and being the incredible Mom that she is Linds goes yes...Jesus had those boo boos for you. Eliana goes, oo boo boo with her sweet sensitive little voice.
How many times do we read that passage..or look at a picture and are so numb and used to it that it doesn't even make us blink? And yet this little two year old can look at a children's bible picture of Jesus in his glorified, blow dried hair, perfect clothing drawing and see that He HURT for us? He came and suffered for us.
Out of the mouths of babes is not just a cutesy little saying...it is so full of truth and we should open our eyes and watch.
So throughout a day of disappointment and doubt, wondering what I am doing moving myself halfway across the country with no job and no money...I am reminded that God is bigger than my bank account...he is the one who knows the bigger picture and there is no reason for me to sit here and throw a fit just because I don't understand....instead I need to just wait...be still, and wait.