Friday, July 16, 2010

dare to be loved, remember who brought me here.

The last week has held so much...I've been working non-stop, thinking non-stop, and just simply going non-stop. I'm going to be honest and say that God has called me to do some crazy things and He speaks to me in awesome ways...but I still seem to find myself putting Him in a box on the shelf saying that I will spend time with Him when I get time, which doesn't happen. This usually happens every once in awhile when I lose sight of who it is that made it possible for me to be here, the one who called me here in the first place...luckily for me He's pretty persistent and weighs things very heavily on my heart. So this past week has been a week of me feeling God saying "Kelsey, I just want to be with you, just come be in my arms and let me take care of everything." I of course hear this but continue to say, well maybe I can do a devo before I go to bed tonight or maybe I can read a little of my Bible during breaks from photography work. I pencil Him in like it were a coffee date that I just don't really feel up to. I used to be great at letting God into all aspects of my life, including Him in my day, not just scheduling "God time". I used to not get through my day if I hadn't spent time with Him. I want that back. He wants that back. I, like most people, have a tough time sometimes grasping how much God loves me, how much He cares about me.
But this week....I was very clearly reminded. He loves me so much He placed these amazing people in my life, He has provided just what I need, He has never left my side, He continues to blow me away with His creativity and plans for my life. I have been trying to process a lot this past week and have been trying to peel away my "self" layers and just be willing to surrender to God and let Him love me and to worship Him with all that I am. It's been a process. I miss Him.
And the thing that really amazes me the most, is despite me trying to put Him in a box, He still has just overwhelmingly blessed me. I've been working for this incredible family the last couple months and we spent this week moving them to a new house so needless to say we spent a lot of time together and I am so challenged by this couple. They strive everyday to live as examples and raise their girls to have good character and love the Lord and it is a daily challenge to me to be better. Something else that God has really laid on my heart this week is how important it is that I'm doing what I am doing. At some point I think I fed into all the lies of people saying that nannying wasn't a real job and it doesn't come with any benefits or perks. As I was standing at a birthday party today a sweet baby in a sling on my spit up covered front, and three girls interacting with new friends it started hitting me how much responsibility I have. I am constantly having to pray for discernment for how to deal with situations and always wondering if I'm going to mess up all this great character building their parents have done. Again I am blown away with how much He loves me....that He would trust me to be a part of working for this family and I am so frustrated with myself for downplaying the path God has put me on.
Lucky for us God is standing, waiting with open arms, always ready, always wanting to pour out His love. I never would have seen myself in this place a year ago....He is doing things beyond my wildest dreams and I'm loving every minute of it....just praying I can keep the focus and remember who it was who brought me here and who it is that will get me through all the stress and trials I may face.....