Monday, September 20, 2010 and broken

There is no way I can write what I want to write here....for so many reasons. The basics being that the Internet is slow and I should have been asleep long ago.
Getting on to Haiti has been anything but easy...the long hard week leading up to it as well as the actual traveling here was full of obstacles and challenges, but I truly truly believe with all my heart that "something" was not happy about us coming here.
I have prayed numerous times for my reaction to Haiti, because I have heard so many different people come back and say things about it just being completely hopeless or that is literally a Hell on earth. I was so afraid that I would come here and feel that God is not much as I believed He was here I still had that fear that maybe people were right.
I can now say with great confidence that God is here and is very evident in so many different ways.
Our long ride from Port Au Prince brought us through devastation, trash, waste, and rubble....but then you would see the beautiful coast line or the green covered mountains rising above it all...and I kept hearing.."I am here"...there is still beauty. Of course that's not good enough for me because it doesn't take away the as I'm taking this in and thinking through it, Greg, our leader is talking about how much they had cleaned up and how different it looks just since he was last here a few months ago...and there was sign number 2. God again just kept saying..."I am here" there is hope.
I believe that there is hope for this country. It may not fully be seen in our lifetime but it is our job to make sure that generations to come may see it. I look into the eyes of these kids and I listen to Michelle talk about raising these kids up to be Christian leaders in this country and I just am amazed at what a different picture I am seeing than what has been described as "Haiti".
I have struggled all summer with the fact that I would be traveling to Haiti and not Guatemala, because as most of you know Guatemala is my heart. I was worried I wouldn't fully experience Haiti because my love for Guatemala is just so strong and so that has been a huge and difficult prayer that I have prayed is that for the first time ever...may Guatemala be pushed aside in my heart and mind for this week so that I would fully experience where I am.
I think that prayer has been answered and lucky for me my heart is big enough for two countries.
So on that note....I am going to go dream of tarantulas, cockroaches and centipedes......