Alright so this was going to be posted more than a week ago but when you are juggling a schedule of babysitting for different families at different times each day, starting a full-time official job, being over you head in folders and folders of pictures needing editing, still not having unpacked from Thanksgiving...and the only down-time is 1 am...blogging just gets put on the back burner.
Anyway, I have had lots of thoughts going through my head about who I am and what my life looks like (being the psych major/over-analyizer that I am). This was what I came to....as much as I always look forward to a day of peace, a normal schedule, normal job, a serene life....that just isn't me.
I was thinking of all the things I miss about my past experiences and not a single one was one of the rare moments of peace and serenity. Not a single one was a memory of sitting on a beach or being by myself reading a nice book or just sitting.
Nope....these are the things that I miss and that I am so beyond thankful that God brought me to.
I miss living in a house of 4 moms and 5 babies, screaming, laughing, tensions and stress levels sky rocketing, struggling with language and adaptation. Walking in the scary dark in the pouring rain with a sleeping baby and strollers full of groceries falling out everywhere. Not knowing what each day would hold. If there would be good news, bad news or no news at all....wondering what I would do if someone were to really follow through with threats and take one of those sweet babies away and spending hours thinking of what I would do if they did (the results would not have been pretty for whoever tried).
I miss being at Mel's having guacamole fights with Mary Margaret, eating oreos and peanut butter with Gin, spending two weeks with my dear dear sweet niece who gave me a wonderful challenge ;) and staying up all night talking about absolutely everything there is to talk about and more while eating strawberries and cut up snickers because that is all we had.
I miss trying to juggle leading a team of people my own age in a foreign country and trying to catch up and be at home in a place that was so familiar to me.
I also miss this....
I miss waking up at the Scott's and laying in bed thinking, oh boy...what will this day bring...and feeling like I couldn't wait to get out of bed and face it, knowing that at the end of the day when I crash and take a deep breath I would look back at the uncountable moments of blessings and laughter. I miss the loudness, the laughter, the talks, the dinners with my dear Mama Scott, the bowling and adventures with Mary Margaret, Gin and Lizzy...the wal mart runs and car wash incidents. I miss playing energy drink games, laying out under the stars all night giggling from being over caffinated yet still in awe and wonder of the amazing meteor shower. I miss feeling totally out of place while Daniel and Caleb took us out two steppin....I miss going to Josh and Betty's and being constantly pulled in two directions, steven on one arm and Jojo on the other all the while looking at my peaceful perfect little simeon.
I miss that the whole day could be stressful, eventful, hectic, crazy and just about everything.....but at the end we could all sit there and laugh and talk and just enjoy family....
And then there are the moments....when my sweet sweet Alli would wrap her arms around me and say.."you are staying forever and ever and ever" or when we would play the "what's your name" game and she would come up with silly names for everyone and then turn to me and say "your name is Kelsey Scott" with the biggest grin on her face. I miss putting her to bed and staying up playing McDonalds Drive through with her. God used that girl to bless me in ways I so badly needed without even knowing I needed it. I miss taking all of them to Cicis and everyone looking at me like I was crazy for bringing 11 children into a restraunt by myself and being so proud of every single one of them. I miss sethys slobery kisses and matthews mischivious moments. I miss Jonathan getting so excited to tell me something that I really had no idea what he was saying. I miss Samuel...Oh MY COW....enough said. I miss My sweet "big" girls and how different they each were from each other but how well they got along and played like best friends. I miss my claire pop and katy....for so so so many reasons. and Gaby ohhhh Gaby I just miss her light...she was usually the first person I saw in the morning and she was always so bright and ready to face the day...it was contagious.
Now here, the moments that wear me out the most, the days when I just want to curl up, fall asleep and have a day off...those are the days I am looking back on and loving the most. The kids I babysit that want to have light saber wars and pirate fights for hours on end....who want to wrestle and tackle and then have a serious 20 yr old conversation......or how one tiny tiny little doll 2 yr old can take more energy out of me than an army of kids but then lay curled up on the couch snuggling and look at me and say ohhhhh KEllSeeeyyyyyy.....oh those are the moments when I am so thankful to be alive and blessed to have so many wonderful little angels in my life. The moments when everyone's voices telling me I need a "real" job and I need to step away from nannying and child care.....thats when those voices just become silence.
I am so beyond blessed to be a part of so many wonderful families lives and to live a life of unpredictability and excitement...even if it is exhausting....
So there is my sentimental belated Thanksgiving post......
The Dream that had to Die
4 weeks ago